Brit Milah and naming

Brit Milah means the covenant of circumcision. It is performed on a baby boy on the eighth day after birth, following the covenant G-d made with Abraham (Genesis 17) — even if the eighth day is Shabbat or Yom Kippur. It is postponed only if the baby is unwell: health comes first.

• The mohel — the person trained to perform the circumcision, both medically and religiously.
• The sandek — the person, often a grandfather, on whose knee the baby is held during the ceremony. It is regarded as a great honour, and expresses that the child is being received into a family and a people, not just having a procedure.
• The rituals: a chair is set aside for the prophet Elijah, guardian of the covenant. Blessings are recited. The father declares that he is bringing his son into the covenant of Abraham. The child is named. Wine is blessed, a drop is placed on the baby's lips, and a festive meal (seudat mitzvah) follows.
• Its meaning: the boy is brought into the covenant that began with Abraham. The sign is cut into the body: this is a belonging that cannot be casually set aside.

Naming ceremonies. A girl is named in the synagogue, traditionally when her father is called up to the Torah, usually on the Shabbat after her birth. Many communities now hold a fuller ceremony for a daughter — often called Zeved Habat ("the gift of a daughter") or Simchat Bat ("rejoicing in a daughter") — with blessings, readings and a celebration, deliberately giving her a welcome that matches her brother's. Jewish children are traditionally given a Hebrew name as well as a secular one, and are frequently named after a beloved relative who has died.

Who is who at a Brit Milah?

Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah and Bat Chayil

Bar Mitzvah means son of the commandment; Bat Mitzvah means daughter of the commandment. Here is the point students most often get wrong: a Jewish child becomes bar or bat mitzvah automatically on reaching the age — 13 for a boy, and 12 (in Orthodox practice) or 13 (in most Reform practice) for a girl. The ceremony does not make it happen; it marks it. From that point the young person is responsible for keeping the mitzvot themselves.

• The lessons beforehand: often a year or more of preparation — learning to read Hebrew, learning to chant the Torah portion with its traditional cantillation, studying the meaning of the passage, and learning about Jewish law and responsibility. The preparation is a substantial part of the point: the young person earns the moment.
• The synagogue service: the young person is called up to the Torah for the first time (an aliyah) and reads or chants a portion of the sidrah, and often the haftarah too. They may lead parts of the service and give a short talk (derashah) on the passage. In many communities the boy begins to wear tallit, and to lay tefillin on weekdays. The parents recite a blessing. A celebration follows, and it is now common for the family to make a donation to charity or for the young person to take on a social action project.
• Bat Chayil — "daughter of valour". In many Orthodox communities, where women do not read from the Torah in the main service, girls mark coming of age with a Bat Chayil instead: a ceremony, often for a group of girls together, in which they may give a talk on a Jewish theme, recite psalms or prayers, and demonstrate what they have learned. It is a real recognition of a girl's Jewish learning and responsibility within the framework of Orthodox practice.

Daughter of valour

The Jewish marriage ceremony

Marriage is regarded as a mitzvah and as the foundation of Jewish family life, and the ceremony has two stages.

• Kiddushin (betrothal) — the word comes from the root meaning set apart or made holy: the couple are set apart for one another. A blessing is said over wine. The groom places a plain ring on the bride's finger and declares her consecrated to him according to the law of Moses and Israel. (In egalitarian ceremonies the bride gives a ring and makes a declaration too.)
• Nissuin (the marriage itself) — the second stage, with the seven blessings (sheva brachot) recited over a second cup of wine, praising G-d for creation, for humanity, and for the joy of bride and groom.

Key features to know:

• The chuppah — the canopy under which the couple stand, open on all sides. It represents the new home they are creating together, and its openness recalls the tent of Abraham and Sarah, open on every side to guests.
• The ketubah — the marriage contract, read aloud and given to the bride. It sets out the husband's obligations towards his wife, including her material support and protection. It was, historically, a radical protection of a woman's rights; Reform and Liberal ketubot are written as a mutual, egalitarian commitment.
• Breaking the glass — the groom (or, in some ceremonies, the couple) crushes a glass underfoot and the guests shout Mazal tov! The reason most often given is that even at the moment of greatest joy, Jews remember the destruction of the Temple: no Jewish happiness is complete while the world remains unrepaired. Others read it as a warning that a relationship, once broken, is hard to mend.
• Other elements include the bedeken (the groom veils the bride), circling (the bride circles the groom, or the couple circle each other), and yichud — a few minutes alone together immediately after the ceremony.

Rites of passage: term and meaning

Tap a term on the left, then its meaning on the right.

Why break a glass?

Death, burial and mourning

Jewish funeral practice is deliberately simple and equal: rich and poor are buried the same way. Two principles drive everything — kavod ha-met, the dignity of the dead, and nichum avelim, comforting the mourners.

• A candle is lit and kept burning beside the body, and the body is not left alone before burial. The candle is understood as a symbol of the soul.
• Preparation of the body — the body is ritually washed (taharah) and dressed in plain white linen shrouds (tachrichim), identical for everyone. The coffin is plain and simple. There is no embalming and no display of the body.
• Burial — traditionally in the earth, as soon as possible, often within a day where practical. Mourners tear a garment or a black ribbon (keriah) as a raw sign of grief. Those present often help to fill in the grave, which is regarded as the purest act of kindness because it can never be repaid.
• The Kaddish — the mourner's prayer, said at the funeral and then daily during the mourning period. Remarkably, it says nothing at all about death: it is a prayer that praises and magnifies G-d's name. It is recited in the presence of a minyan, so the mourner must come to the community to say it — the community catches them.
• The Chevra Kaddisha — the "sacred society". This is a group of volunteers in the community who prepare the body, guard it, and arrange the burial. They do this without payment and often anonymously. It is considered among the highest of all mitzvot precisely because the dead can never thank them.

The stages of mourning (the syllabus asks for three):

• Shiva — the first seven days. The mourners stay at home, sit on low stools, cover mirrors, do not shave or cut their hair, and do not go to work. Visitors come to them, bring food, and traditionally wait for the mourner to speak first. Prayers are held in the house.
• Sheloshim — the first thirty days. Mourners return to work but avoid parties, music and celebrations, and continue to say Kaddish.
• The first year — for a parent, mourning continues for twelve months, with Kaddish traditionally said for eleven of them. (Before the burial there is also a stage called aninut, when the mourner is exempt from other religious duties in order to deal with the funeral.)

The anniversary of the death (yahrzeit): each year, a memorial candle is lit and burns for 24 hours, Kaddish is said, and many visit the grave. A tombstone is set in place, usually about a year after the death, in a stone-setting ceremony.

The first seven days

Kashrut: the laws of kosher food

Kosher means fit or proper; treyfah means forbidden (literally "torn"). The laws come from the Torah — the lists of permitted and forbidden creatures are in Leviticus 11 and Deuteronomy 14.

• Land animals are kosher only if they have cloven hooves and chew the cud — so cattle, sheep, goats and deer are permitted. The pig has cloven hooves but does not chew the cud, so it is forbidden; so are the camel, the rabbit and the hare.
• Sea creatures are kosher only if they have both fins and scales — so salmon, cod and herring are permitted, while shellfish, prawns, squid and eels are not.
• Birds — the Torah lists forbidden birds, mostly birds of prey and scavengers. Chicken, turkey, duck and goose are eaten.
• Slaughter (shechitah) — kosher meat must come from an animal killed by a trained shochet with a single, swift cut using a perfectly smooth blade, in a way designed to be as quick as possible. The blood must then be drained, because the Torah forbids consuming blood; the meat is soaked and salted to draw out remaining blood. An animal that dies of disease or injury is not kosher.
• Separation of meat and dairy — from the command "you shall not boil a kid in its mother's milk" (Exodus 23:19), Jewish law developed a complete separation of meat (fleishig) from dairy (milchig). A kosher kitchen has separate utensils, pans, plates, cutlery, washing-up bowls and often separate sinks and dishwashers, and a set waiting time between eating meat and eating dairy. Foods that are neither — eggs, fish, fruit, vegetables, grains — are parev and may be eaten with either.

Meat, dairy or parev?

Tap a food, then tap the group it belongs to in a kosher kitchen.

Kashrut beyond food, and different views

Kashrut applies to clothing and to ritual objects too — the syllabus asks for this and it is often forgotten:

• Shatnez — the Torah forbids wearing a garment that mixes wool and linen (Deuteronomy 22:11). Strictly observant Jews have garments tested before wearing them.
• Ritual objects — a Sefer Torah, the parchment inside a mezuzah, and the boxes and straps of tefillin must all be made from the skin of a kosher animal. A scroll written with the wrong materials, or by someone unqualified, is not fit for use.

Different views on kashrut (J5.5d) — this is examinable.

• Orthodox: the kashrut laws are a divine command and are binding whether or not we understand the reason. Keeping them is a daily discipline that turns eating — the most ordinary act there is — into an act of obedience and holiness. They also mark Jewish identity and shape how a family lives.
• Reform and Liberal: observance is generally a matter of informed personal choice. Some keep kashrut fully; some keep parts of it (many avoid pork and shellfish, or keep a kosher home while eating more freely outside); some do not keep it at all, holding that the ethical commandments matter far more than the dietary ones.
• Ethical or "eco" kashrut: a growing view, found across the movements, that asks further questions — were the workers who produced this food paid fairly? Was it produced sustainably? Some argue a food can be technically kosher and still be wrong to buy.
• Why keep it? Reasons Jews give: it is what G-d commanded; it builds self-discipline; it makes every meal a reminder of G-d; and it preserves Jewish identity. Note that health is not the traditional reason — that is a common misconception.

Kosher or not?

Jewish beliefs about family life

The family is where Judaism is actually transmitted. Shabbat, kashrut and the Seder happen at the table, not in the synagogue.

Roles and responsibilities of men and women. In traditional Orthodox teaching, men and women are equal in worth but have different roles: men are obliged in public, time-bound religious duties (daily prayer with a minyan, laying tefillin), while women are traditionally exempt from mitzvot that must be performed at a fixed time, because of their responsibilities in the home. Women are honoured as the heart of the household: lighting the Shabbat candles, keeping the home kosher, and raising the children Jewishly. Reform, Liberal and most Masorti Jews reject the idea of separate religious roles altogether, holding that men and women are equally obligated in all mitzvot — women lead services, read Torah, and serve as rabbis.

Nurture of the young. Teaching children is a religious duty, not an optional extra. The Shema commands that these words be taught diligently to your children. Children attend cheder or a Jewish school; the Seder is deliberately designed around a child's questions; parents bless their children at the Shabbat table.

Care of the elderly. The Fifth Commandment — "Honour your father and your mother" (Exodus 20:12) — is understood to apply lifelong, and most demandingly when parents are old and dependent. Jewish communities have long built care homes and welfare organisations (see Jewish Care in J6), and abandoning an elderly parent would be regarded as a serious religious failure.

Marriage, divorce and remarriage. Marriage is a mitzvah and the ideal state. But Judaism has always permitted divorce: it is regarded as a tragedy, not a sin, and it is better to end a broken marriage than to live in misery. A religious divorce requires a document called a get. In Orthodox law the husband must grant the get freely; if he refuses, his wife becomes an agunah — a "chained" woman — unable to remarry in Jewish law. This is a serious, live and much-debated injustice, and Orthodox authorities have worked on remedies such as pre-nuptial agreements. Reform and Liberal communities have removed the problem by allowing a religious court to dissolve the marriage, or by accepting a civil divorce. Remarriage after divorce or bereavement is permitted and often encouraged.

Divorce in Judaism

Tradition and change in the Jewish family

The emotional and spiritual challenges (J5.7c) — do not skip this bullet. Change costs people something. A young woman who becomes a rabbi may find her grandparents will not attend her ordination. A man who leaves a strictly Orthodox community may lose his friends, his synagogue and daily contact with his family. Parents may fear their grandchildren will not be raised Jewish. Others feel a quieter grief: that something beautiful and old is being lost, or, from the other side, that they were shut out of something they loved. Recognising this human cost — on both sides — is what separates a top-band answer from a list of bullet points.

"Keeping the kashrut laws is no longer relevant in the modern world." Discuss.

Reaching a judgement: notice that "relevant" is doing a lot of work in the question. Relevant to whom? Strong answers distinguish between convenient (clearly less so) and meaningful (for many Jews, deeply so), refer to both Orthodox and Reform reasoning, and then give a clear conclusion with a reason.

The big ideas to know

You have now covered every bullet of J5 Rites of passage; religion and the family. Press Finish to see your score.